Neither do I condemn you

Did you ever have that dream where you suddenly find yourself in a public place wearing only your birthday suit? How about the one where you have to take a final exam for a class that you never attended? At one time or another, I have had both dreams. They're unpleasant. I imagine that's kind of like the situation that the woman in this Sunday's Gospel found herself in. Thrust suddenly before the Just Judge, surrounded by her accusers - perhaps partially dressed and completely unprepared to defend herself in any meaningful way.

Of Course, this wasn't the final judgement for her; she was still alive, and as long as we are alive, there is hope. We can better ourselves. We can turn from evil and become children of God. What comforting words to hear from our Lord though: "Neither do I condemn you." It certainly gives us reason to hope, doesn't it? If the Lord was so merciful that he did not condemn the woman caught committing adultery, then maybe there's hope for me, too.

In fact, I know that there is hope for me: Earlier in the Gospel of John, Jesus tells us "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him"  And that is my hope: to be saved through Jesus Christ. Jesus is patient, kind and merciful. Scripture is full of language about a merciful and forgiving God. But there is also a lot of of talk about judgement and wrath as well. So how do we make any sense of this? Are we to focus only on the positive and ignore the stern warnings? And who is it that does the condemning?

“Let the one among you who is without sin
be the first to throw a stone at her.”

Upon asking these questions it occurs to me that I didn't properly quote the Lord before. I only quoted the part that I wanted to hear. The part that was pleasing to hear, and the part that made me feel better. The Lord actually said: “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin any more.” That second part is a little more challenging. This seems stern and absolute; it's not "try to do better...." It's " Do not sin any more " Now I have more questions: not ever? Really? Not even a little sin? What if I make a mistake? What if I commit sin out of habit, without meaning to and without really thinking about it? Have I exhausted my share of our Lord's Mercy? We are told that Jesus is Mercy itself. That He is infinitely merciful.

I think the reason those dreams trouble me so much is because I feel that I failed to prepare myself and I realize that my current problem is my own fault. I'm not afraid the teacher will fail me - I'm afraid that I don't know what I need to know; and because I'm not prepared, I can not pass. I find myself asking regretfully: "Why didn't I just go to class!?! "

I see now when I reflect on this thought that I condemn myself when I ask a question that starts with "Why didn't I...?" 

I think maybe these dreams can offer some insight into how I can respond to this Gospel message. Maybe it's not about hoping that the Just Judge will have Mercy on me in the end; Maybe it's about preparing for Him right now, in the present. I will stand before the Just Judge, but when that day comes, will I be wearing any clothing? Only the (spiritual) clothing that I took the trouble to put on during my pilgrimage on this good earth. When I am examined, will I panic because I have not prepared myself - because I have not learned the Lord's ways and put them into practice, or will I have the firm knowledge that I have spent my days in the Light and therefore have a claim to our Lord's Mercy?

Jesus gives us the way. In His Mercy, He repeats it every time we turn to Him seeking forgiveness. It's a challenge that requires a response;

 "Go, and from now on do not sin any more."

+ Theophilus