In John’s Gospel (20:19:31), we see how the apostles were hiding in fear behind locked doors, fearful for their lives.  This all changes with a renewed hope, when Jesus appears to them with a message, “Peace be with you.”  The ten apostles have witnessed together their first encounter of the risen Christ, except for Thomas; who has not seen with his own eyes the risen Lord.

There is always one in every crowd.  You know that person who never believes, who will ask all the questions and never have the answer. They will shake their head in disbelief, unless they experience it with their own eyes. Doubt destroys more relationships, goals, dreams, and aspirations than any other human emotion. Doubt can be so strong it can affect our faith.  This is true today, as it was at the time of the apostles.

The definition of a “Doubting Thomas” is a skeptic who refuses to believe without direct evidence, knowledge, or experience. A reference to the Apostle Thomas, who refused to believe that the resurrected Jesus had appeared to the ten other apostles, unless “I see the mark of the nails in his hand and put the finger into the nail marks and put my hand into the side, I do not believe.”

Thomas was not a bad apostle.  He was a man who was grieving the loss of Jesus.  Any person who has experienced the loss of a loved one can testify how devastating death can be to the heart and soul of a person. Thomas was a man whose hopes, dreams, and love had been crushed.  Thomas believed in Jesus.  He answered the calling to “Come follow me.”  Thomas set his life by following Jesus.  Now, Jesus has been killed – even dying the death of a common criminal.

Thomas was a skeptic until Christ came and said, “Place your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it by my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.”  By placing his hands by his side, I can only imagine the fear of doubt was erased, the feeling of peace must have overwhelmed the soul of Thomas. His response, “My Lord and my God!” tells us Thomas recognized that Jesus is the Messiah.

We are all skeptics. I know I am a skeptic. We all close our feelings, emotions, and faith from time to time.  It is human nature to doubt.  How do we stop our inner voice of doubt?  In one word: TRUST.  Never doubt God’s plan for your life. Trust him when you do not understand. He will work it out.

St. Thomas, pray for us.

Bernard of Clairvaux

Empty but filled with faith

The week’s gospel brings us to the resurrection of Jesus Christ. As a Christian, this is my favorite time of the year. I use it to move a little closer to Jesus and work on my journey. I attempt to assess my life and see if I’m being a “good Christian.”  I look to see if I can be doing a better a job.  The answer is always a resounding yes!!!!   As I read this week’s gospel, I was moved by the thought of Mary Magdalene approaching the tomb of Jesus Christ.  In her mind, Jesus was dead and no longer with them. I ask myself, “How did that morning begin for her?” What filled her heart as she walked towards the tomb of Jesus? Was she filled with fear and confused why this ended as it did?  I wonder if she had any idea that she was about to discover one the most important moments in world history.  When Mary arrived at the tomb, she discovered that the stone covering it had been moved and Jesus was gone.  The tomb appeared to be empty.

Writing this marks the 3rd anniversary of the death of one of my son’s closest friends.  This was their only son. He was such a kind, loving person. His untimely death left my friend and her husband much like that tomb - empty.  I knew they searched for a reason.  I asked myself, “Why did they suffer such a painful loss?”   Losing a loved one (especially a child) is something that isn’t supposed to happen. Much like the death of Jesus; it should not have happeded, right?  We know now that Jesus died according to the plan he had for us and for our salvation. As a believer, I fall deeper in love with Jesus and what he did for us because it was perfect in every way. Jesus conquered death and that alone is enough for me; but it doesn’t stop there. He lived a sinless life and gave it up for us. Jesus lived 33 years sin free and sacrificed his perfect life for me. I’m lucky if I make 33 minutes without sinning.  I fall short often, but I know that Jesus’s plan for us is perfect. When my heart is heavy or I have questions about why things happen, I look at my cross.  When I have my challenges and I am filled with fear, I look at my cross. The cross reminds me of the resurrection and that Jesus only asks for us to have faith.  Faith in him and faith to know that his tomb was never empty it was filled with faith.

As we close out the Lenten Season, I ask you to look at your journey as a Christian. Have you done enough? Have you given it your all? What can you do to be a better Christian? Personally, I know that I can continue to work on my faith and yes, even my unbelief sometimes.  I can work on trusting the perfection of God’s plan, especially in those dark moments. The moments when it appears that something wasn’t supposed to happen.  That’s where my work is.  How about you? 

Wishing you a Happy Easter filled with love and continued blessings. 

 Anonymous

Where did the men go?

LK 22:14-23:56

Good day, fellow pilgrims.  As we approach Good Friday, once again we are transported into one of the most dramatic & powerful stories in world literature.  It begins with Jesus sharing His last supper with His disciples. Afterwards, He walks with his friends to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray.  It is here where he is betrayed by one of His own and arrested.  The horror begins for Jesus and what He is about to endure is incomprehensible.  For a moment, let’s step back to the garden.  After the chaotic events of Jesus’ arrest, He is dragged away alone and “All the disciples fled the scene” (MK 14:50).  They vanished into the darkness, abandoning Christ.  Where did His men go?    When I reflect upon this, the Latin phrase stating, “leave no one behind” and the US Army Ranger’s motto “I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy” comes to mind.  So much for loyalty, eh?

Now, I invite you to imagine the beaten & battered Christ being marched through crowds who mock and taunt Him.  Who do you see?  It’s Mary, the mother of Jesus and the other women disciples who try desperately to follow Jesus to the hill that holds His fate.  Again, I ask myself, “Where are his disciples?”  Suddenly and at tremendous risk to herself, Veronica breaks through the ranks of Roman soldiers to wipe the face of the battered and bleeding Christ. Another act of womanly courage appears.

I always experience a sense of shame when I think of the disciples who always vowed to “take the back” of Christ leave Him behind. The ones who promised to stand by His side, no matter what the risk.  Yet the same ones who disappeared into the shadows of Gethsemane and abandoned Jesus.  I do not believe that I would act in such a cowardice manner; but in all honesty, I cannot assure that I would not run with the others.   Fast forward to Golgotha, where Jesus is dying & struggling to breath from His Holy cross.  I see one man standing among a group of women, it is John, son of Zebedee.  Beside him is Mary, the mother of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, Mary of Cleophas and Salome (the follower of Jesus).  The only other men we see are the Roman soldiers who continue to mock Jesus & curiosity-seekers.  Once again, I ponder, where did His men go?

I have found most women of faith possess remarkable attributes including compassion, empathy & sincerity.   Women seem to retain the ability to transform unimaginable pain & suffering into strength and love (especially in times of loss).  This is what Jesus succeeded in doing on that hill.  So, we may never know where the men went after abandoning Jesus in Gethsemane, but we know where they ended up.  After being shown divine mercy and empowered by the Holy Spirit they soon became apostles; evangelizing a new faith and church.  Now as for the women, I respectfully suggest that we take a close look at the faithful women in our lives.  Women who lead by humble service, who nurture our world and who are the anchors of our families.  They are the same women who stood with Mary, the mother Jesus (on the Hill of Golgotha) and who remained close to Jesus in His most desperate hours.  They are truly women of unwavering devotion & loyalty.  Maybe we can learn as lesson from the women? So, as I take up may staff again and continue walking, I simply ask, “Are you willing to remain close & join them?” (This reflection is dedicated to mom in heaven and my wife on earth)          The (Stumbling) Pilgrim. 

Neither do I condemn you

Did you ever have that dream where you suddenly find yourself in a public place wearing only your birthday suit? How about the one where you have to take a final exam for a class that you never attended? At one time or another, I have had both dreams. They're unpleasant. I imagine that's kind of like the situation that the woman in this Sunday's Gospel found herself in. Thrust suddenly before the Just Judge, surrounded by her accusers - perhaps partially dressed and completely unprepared to defend herself in any meaningful way.

Of Course, this wasn't the final judgement for her; she was still alive, and as long as we are alive, there is hope. We can better ourselves. We can turn from evil and become children of God. What comforting words to hear from our Lord though: "Neither do I condemn you." It certainly gives us reason to hope, doesn't it? If the Lord was so merciful that he did not condemn the woman caught committing adultery, then maybe there's hope for me, too.

In fact, I know that there is hope for me: Earlier in the Gospel of John, Jesus tells us "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him"  And that is my hope: to be saved through Jesus Christ. Jesus is patient, kind and merciful. Scripture is full of language about a merciful and forgiving God. But there is also a lot of of talk about judgement and wrath as well. So how do we make any sense of this? Are we to focus only on the positive and ignore the stern warnings? And who is it that does the condemning?

“Let the one among you who is without sin
be the first to throw a stone at her.”

Upon asking these questions it occurs to me that I didn't properly quote the Lord before. I only quoted the part that I wanted to hear. The part that was pleasing to hear, and the part that made me feel better. The Lord actually said: “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin any more.” That second part is a little more challenging. This seems stern and absolute; it's not "try to do better...." It's " Do not sin any more " Now I have more questions: not ever? Really? Not even a little sin? What if I make a mistake? What if I commit sin out of habit, without meaning to and without really thinking about it? Have I exhausted my share of our Lord's Mercy? We are told that Jesus is Mercy itself. That He is infinitely merciful.

I think the reason those dreams trouble me so much is because I feel that I failed to prepare myself and I realize that my current problem is my own fault. I'm not afraid the teacher will fail me - I'm afraid that I don't know what I need to know; and because I'm not prepared, I can not pass. I find myself asking regretfully: "Why didn't I just go to class!?! "

I see now when I reflect on this thought that I condemn myself when I ask a question that starts with "Why didn't I...?" 

I think maybe these dreams can offer some insight into how I can respond to this Gospel message. Maybe it's not about hoping that the Just Judge will have Mercy on me in the end; Maybe it's about preparing for Him right now, in the present. I will stand before the Just Judge, but when that day comes, will I be wearing any clothing? Only the (spiritual) clothing that I took the trouble to put on during my pilgrimage on this good earth. When I am examined, will I panic because I have not prepared myself - because I have not learned the Lord's ways and put them into practice, or will I have the firm knowledge that I have spent my days in the Light and therefore have a claim to our Lord's Mercy?

Jesus gives us the way. In His Mercy, He repeats it every time we turn to Him seeking forgiveness. It's a challenge that requires a response;

 "Go, and from now on do not sin any more."

+ Theophilus